Updated: Jun 2, 2020
I have been debating to write this post for a very long time. Do I discuss my own entire feelings and opinions and share them into a world so full of opinion? I appreciate that everyone has their own feelings and struggles, especially during something like this "lockdown", that it's fair to say that we are all equally having to pull through. However, sometimes I find it best just to share your own thoughts and feelings. You never know, someone else might be feeling the exact way as you are, and therefore you can relate to each other. This has been something I have wanted to write and share with for a long time, ever since we were placed into this lockdown. All I can say is thank you for reading through my experience of this as what I'm about to share is incredibly personal and reflective.
Monday, March 23rd 2020. That was an interesting day. A day I thought nothing would change with our lives - at least not that day. It was just like any other day and I yearn for a day like that again. Right now, it's just a memory. Prior to this, the decision was made at university to make all classes online for the foreseeable future. A week before lockdown was our very last university lesson of year one, but little did we know this. Cutting a long story short, the next day (Tuesday) I had made the decision to pack up a few of my belongings and head to my grandparents who were half an hour away from my university. By the Saturday, I had completely cleared out my university bedroom at my halls...
Back to the Monday. My boyfriend was spending the day with me and now looking back at it, we had one of the best days. We unknowingly managed to fit in everything you could in one day. We're rather childish really for our age - part of the day we were outside in the sun having a rather sweaty game of football acting like five year old's fighting and tackling each other for the ball. Afterwards we walked along down to the beach in the village of Wembury, where I am currently residing with my lovely grandparents. Fast forward to the evening, my Grandma came in to tell us that the Prime Minister was making an important speech that night. I felt a lump in my throat. I just knew it was going to be the words "lockdown" coming out of his mouth later that night. I was making dinner for my boyfriend and I and I found it so hard to talk. It was a very quiet dinner for sure. I was obviously worrying for our futures. We hadn't been together that long - what if the distance apart affected the relationship? So many worries were spinning round and round in my head and of course I didn't want to worry him. That evening, it was fair to say there were a few tears shared between us. To say goodbye knowing we wouldn't see each other for weeks was possibly the most hardest thing we had ever done - this would have been the longest we'd gone without seeing each other. I just remember that whole hour prior to the 8pm announcement, there was just silence. We didn't talk; we didn't need to. We just knew how each other felt and just held each other as tightly as we could whilst letting our emotions get the better of us. Because we hadn't been together that long, we were in that phase of the relationship where you're meant to be going out together and making plenty of memories. What was meant to be happening before the effects of lockdown and what was now a reality, suddenly turned into months of video calls every night.
He eventually left at 11pm that night. I remember a few days later, I watched back the CCTV footage of us saying goodbye in the driveway and watching us hug. It seemed to go on and on, yet neither of us could remember it lasting that long.
Days after the lockdown was announced, I found myself crying most nights, just wanting life to resume itself. It's as if we've suddenly been placed on pause and we just have to keep playing without any choice. I was promised that everyday, I will have a video call with my boyfriend, and to this day, he has kept his word. It is difficult having to find stuff to do as a couple when you're not together, but we tried everything we possibly could together. This will either be watching a film or series together on Netflix, going for a virtual walk (video calling as we both go on separate walks) or playing virtual games. It's sad to say, that when neither of you are doing anything due to restrictions in place, you start to run out of things to talk about. These moments were hard as we didn't want to create a tension between us as we felt we could no longer hold a conversation, but then after a while, we realised we were just really missing each other and completely took for granted all of the times we had spent together. We've worked upon this and now, by watching the movies most nights, it help us as we're able to have a laugh together and then discuss the events of a movie. It's actually quite funny how much he gets into movies - I never had expected this of him but it's hilarious! The other night I made him watch Mamma Mia, which he really didn't think he would enjoy, yet he did. I'm still convinced he has a secret love affair with ABBA as I caught him singing it the other night. It was so funny, during the whole film he was convinced that Colin Firth, who plays Harry, would end up being the father. By the end of the movie, he felt robbed as he didn't even find out who was the father to Sophie - It was so funny! Someone who claims to not be a fan of ABBA, got so into this film that he wants to see the second one. I'll hold him against this - he's watching it! It's times like this which brings us closer together and we're able to have a good laugh.
One thing I can't wait for is to see my family again. My parents and two younger brothers are all in Sussex, two-hundred and fifty miles away from me at present. I haven't been to my homeland of Sussex since January third, so that'll be something to look forward to. I hope it'll happen in the nearby future. But right now, I'm holding out. I've taken up some new hobbies of restarting my blog up and have recently got back into my photography. We have HMS Queen Elizabeth down here in Plymouth out on sea trials at the moment, so I have been fortunate enough to photograph her on numerous occasions as she passes Wembury Bay every now and again. I post these pictures occasionally on my twitter @ejsamps . An article with one of my photos featured on the Plymouth Herald - I'll add the link for that down below if you fancy a read.
So that's my whole experience of going through this lockdown so far. I really appreciate your time to read through this waffle, and hope to see you back here soon.
Have a great week,