What Can We Learn From Love?

I have recently discovered what it is like to be in love. It is an interesting journey but once you find it, it is the best feeling. The feeling of sharing experiences with someone you love whilst also having them as your best friend is one of the most amazing feelings you will ever feel. I have always lived in the mindset of seeing other couples looking very much in love and happy when out in public and I had always aspired to be like them. However, I did not think that I would have that feeling. Even if I did, I did not expect to experience it this early on in life. This is a thing that I have never been so sure on. There are always people who say, “you have to kiss a few frogs to meet your prince”. I finally realise that this is true. Once you find your “prince” as cringey as it sounds, you obviously want them to be the first person in your life to share those “experiences” as you did prior to them. But if it wasn’t for those unwanted “frogs” in your life, then you wouldn’t be able to appreciate the way the person you finally end up with is to you. It takes bad experiences for you to value and treasure how amazing the ending is, and this is what I have recently learnt.

The concept of love has always been an interesting topic and we find ourselves asking questions about it. What does it mean to be in love with someone? Or how will you know what love feels like? I have always been curious to know what the sensation of love feels like because like most nineteen-year old’s, I have never been entirely sure what love feels like. That is until recently. Growing up, you have feelings where you believe to be in love, but perhaps this is just yourselves telling you that you should be. There have been occasions in my life where I have been that person – I made myself believe to be in love with someone . Looking back on this, perhaps we feel like because we all want a sense of belonging to someone who cares for us. The first time I said “I love you” to someone it felt incredibly wrong. I wanted to love them and maybe there was a chance I loved them but not to the point of being “in love” with them. Obviously, I cared for them deeply because they were a lovely person but like any old eighteen-year-old you always want to feel like you are in love. From the moment I said those words I just knew it was not right. It was the love that you had for your brother or someone else you had in your family. There was not that “in love” sensation there. There was a possibility that I really wanted to be in love with this person and maybe that is what hurt when I chose to cut things off. It didn’t hurt ending whatever it was – it was nowhere near a relationship. Maybe the hurt was that I failed in finding what I wanted to discover. I was in love with the idea of being in love. I’ve never been one for hurting people’s feelings because that in itself is upsetting, and by doing that caused the guilt and the hurt for myself. All in all, if you’re not in the right mindset you have to do what is right for you and put yourself first. This was also at a time where few of my closest friends were finding themselves getting into relationships and I had never experienced attention in this detail. Just because someone is lovely, and caring does not necessarily mean you are in love with them. Maybe there was an element of guilt that made me feel bad. The guilt that this person was such a lovely soul and I made him believe I was falling for him. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the way he was as a person and the way he looked out for me, but there wasn’t that spark there that you feel. I guess it is true what they say, “when you know you know”. It was a very short-lived affair.

Growing up, I have wanted to experience a relationship for a very long time, but that isn’t to say now that I am in one, it’s always plain sailing. The challenges along the way can cause frictions, jealousy, and anger. I tend to think of my relationship like a marriage, despite not actually being in one. Question yourself, is it right to break up over such a silly and petty thing? Or do you work through it for the benefit of both of you? The real idea is, when it gets to situations like this, ask yourself, in the long haul do you feel happy enough and have the want to continue this close bond with someone. Is it always worth it. Getting into a new relationship is very exciting but can also be quite difficult. It’s no longer just yourself you’re thinking of anymore; you have to take into the account the emotions and feelings of the significant other. It could be the case that for them, you might have to make the odd sacrifice to make your “system” work. There are many occasions where I have made “sacrifices” if you will and vice versa. When you’re so in love with someone, you want to give them everything and make them happy in any way possible – it might not be all that easy though.

During lockdown, I found myself becoming more and more attached to my relationship. This is not to say that I am not happy, because I am! It’s made me realise the isolation I found myself in and how much I relied on my boyfriend for company as he was all I had. Since moving on from that chapter I’ve learnt that time apart is actually still really good. It’s nice to have this separation as you can’t be in each other’s faces all the time – it becomes too much. Use this time wisely go see friends etc. The area where my boyfriend and I live is a whole different chapter to me so I don’t really know anyone and I am still trying to make new friends. In the meantime, whilst we are settling, in order to “gain” this much needed separation, I intend to the local gym, go swimming and (fingers crossed) start my new job. It also gives you something to talk about at the end of the day for those times when you are reunited together.

I get so curious and want to discover and learn more about love and being in love. Sometimes I don’t fully understand it. Is it just a concept we have just made up in order for society to develop? It seems that the purpose of if is so we achieve what the other person feels or wants. I seem to crave this feeling. It’s hard to say but it is unfortunately a big part of society that I found that boys tend to get with you without any purpose or attachment. This happened to me numerous times but when it did, I believed they actually liked me? Time and time again this continued and the more I craved to be wanted by someone and to actually be liked for who I am and was. I think it is really important therefore to explain your intentions so no one gets hurt in the process. I am lucky that I have quite an affectionate boyfriend and I really like this. You aren’t just made to feel like you should just automatically love each other, body language also gives away these emotions.

The developments of relationships and love is something I am yet to delve into and discover.

EJ x

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